Do you ever feel so worn out and overworked that you don't know quite what else to do but cry?
We've been so busy with all the new orders from January and they're still coming in daily. It feels like this, combined with the growing pains of an expanding business and teaching new folks the ropes, getting my proofs and revisions done for around 3-4 weddings per day, the regular minutiae of shipping labels and reordering packaging and shipping supplies, creating an advertising campaign that accurately reflects Ben for his city council run, it sometimes feels like I can't take on one more thing in a 24 hour span. But somehow I keep doing it and I'm living to tell the tale and write this blog.
I think God is expanding my potential and capabilities right now, testing my endurance and will power. He's constantly blessing us and giving us more goodness than we deserve and I'm just a person doing the best I can with it. It's terrifying. But isn't that wonderful?
So I feel a little small in the scheme of all this, like maybe I'm not tough enough to do it all well, and I know it's only going to get more intense the older we get. More responsibilities will be added to my load daily. And so I cried about it. As I do about every 3 months or so, and Ben just hugs me so tight I can barely move and smiles at me and tells me he has no idea what to do about it, and that that's okay. That everything is just the way it's supposed to be, just the way God intended it.
That's just about the best feeling in the world. If you haven't lately, you should cry it out sometime and know that no matter how 'in control' you are, you're totally not. And that's definitely for the best. Tonight I feel tired and weary, but tomorrow will be a new day. The sun will shine, and we'll learn new things and meet new people and while I'm thinking about that now, God is already there.